Preparing to talk about problem gambling

Choosing a venue: Choose a safe and comfortable place for a conversation this personal. It should create a sense of privacy, free from outside distractions and promote a relaxed atmosphere.

Good timing: Choose a good time for the conversation when you are both relaxed, there are no distractions and you don't have to rush anywhere.

Express support: Let your concerns be known, but remind the person that you will always be there for him/her.

Nonjudgmental Tonality: Tune in to the non-judgmental and gentle tone of the conversation, offering understanding and your attention to whatever your loved one has to say.

How to start a conversation about problem gambling

Although the topic of gambling addiction is serious and difficult, try to start the conversation on a positive note before moving on to more difficult topics later. Tell them that they are important to you and that you care about them. Emphasise the things and qualities that you appreciate about them and that they are excellent and capable at using to solve other problems.

Don't be afraid to mention that you feel uncomfortable having this conversation because the other person will probably feel uncomfortable as well. You will thus share the same feeling and overcome the uncomfortable situation together. In addition, when the gambler knows that you have decided to start this conversation despite your discomfort, it can be proof to him or her that you really care and are trying to find a solution.

Describe how you feel

Try to speak from your perspective and use "I" instead of "you". This way of communicating helps to express personal feelings and experiences without directly blaming the other person. When you speak from your perspective, you are clearly and honestly expressing how the situation is affecting you personally.

By using phrases such as "I feel..." or "I noticed..." instead of direct accusations like "You're making..." or "You are causing...", you can open the space for empathy and understanding without unnecessarily provoking a defensive reaction.

• Don't say, "You're always so caught up in your games that you forget about our family responsibilities."
• Say, "When you spend a lot of time playing games, I feel abandoned and burdened by family responsibilities."

This way of phrasing helps the other person better understand your feelings.

What to do during the conversation

• Tell them without blame how their gambling addiction may be affecting others.
• Focus on the positives and ways to address the situation rather than the problems themselves.
• Get them to think out loud about what good would come from less gambling.
• Reassure them that you are asking about these things because you care about them.
• Use their own words. Show your own vulnerability.
• Ask, "how bad does it have to be?"
• Be patient, prepare for the fact that this process may take weeks or months.

What not to do during the interview

• Don't blame them for causing problems for people around them.
• Not to label them as a problem and their behaviour as problematic.
• Do not lecture them.
• If you keep pushing them, they won't listen to you.
• Don't tell them what to do. Find a solution together.

Listen to what they have to say.

It is very important to listen to what the person with a gambling addiction needs to say. Try to listen without interrupting, arguing or correcting their experience - this can end the conversation. Give them time to tell their story.

They may say very little or completely deny that their gambling is a problem or that they are not ready to talk about it. They may get angry and tell you to mind your own business instead. If they deny their gambling addiction or get angry, you can use these methods.

• Ask them to at least think about their gambling.
• Ask them to take a test to see if their gambling is problematic.
• Provide them with information on where to find help so they know where to go at the right time.
• Take a break and arrange another more appropriate time for this conversation.
• Ask for their perspective on what they would do if they were in your shoes.

Many people are then relieved that they can finally talk honestly about their gambling without blame, misunderstanding and conflict. This frank discussion can become the first step on the road to consciously addressing problem gambling.

What if a person doesn't want to accept and address a gambling problem

It is important to remain calm and patient. Attempts at persuasion or coercion can lead to making the whole situation worse. Let them know that you will be there for them and will help them when they are ready to change their behavior.

While you want to help your loved one as much as possible at this time, remember to think about your own emotional and financial health as well.

If you feel that the situation is beyond your emotional capacity, do not hesitate to seek professional help, such as a consultation with a psychologist or therapist. You can also find help and motivation in support groups for families and friends of people suffering from gambling addiction.

While it is very difficult to watch someone close to you struggle with a gambling addiction, it is important to respect their personal space and decisions. Sometimes the best strategy may be to allow the person to face the natural consequences of their behavior and thereby come to their own desire for change.

Even if the person refuses the help offered at the time, it is important to let them know that your support is still available. Knowing that there is an opportunity for help that can change the situation for the better is important in maintaining hope.

Source.

What if a gambler asks me to lend money

If a loved one who has a gambling problem asks you to lend them money, it's important to keep a firm stance and consider your response carefully. These five points will help you respond to a gambler's request for money in a way that does not hurt either party.

1. Do not lend money: One of the most important steps you can take is to refuse to lend money. Providing funds will enable further gambling, thus prolonging the cycle of addiction. Instead, support them in finding long-term solutions to their financial problems.

2. Offer other forms of help: Instead of financial support, offer to help them seek professional counselling or help them manage and plan their finances and find ways to deal with their debts without lending them money.

3 Communicate openly and honestly: Explain your reasons for refusing a loan with empathy and understanding. It is important that your loved one understands that you made this decision for their own good, as this "help" would put them in even more debt, remorse and depression from a broken relationship.

4. Support them in seeking help: Encourage them to seek professional help and offer support on their road to recovery. Starting to tackle an addiction problem alone is scary for many people, so accompanying them to a therapy session, for example, can be invaluable support.

5. Set clear boundaries.

How to start addressing the problem of playing together

Together, look at your gambling treatment options, get all the information, and create a plan to treat your gambling.

You can start slowly, call the Gamblers Anonymous Helpline (777 477 877), or use the Gamblers Anonymous group chat. These steps can lead on to therapy sessions, or to outpatient gambling treatment that is flexible and does not seriously interfere with your personal and professional life.

Throughout the gambling treatment process, it is important to acknowledge and celebrate any progress made so far. Appreciation of achievements, understanding of any setbacks and ongoing emotional support can make a significant contribution to long-term recovery from gambling addiction and prevent a return to gambling. Mutual support and understanding will help to reinforce determination and commitment to achieving goals.

Resources

• How to talk to someone about their gambling | Gambler's Help [online]. [cited 2024-04-15]. Available from: https://gamblershelp.com.au/support-someone/how-to-talk-to-someone-about-their-gambling/
• Talking to someone about their gambling | Gambling Help QLD [online]. [cited 2024-04-15]. Available from: https://www.gamblinghelpqld.org.au/talking-to-someone-about-their-gambling
• How to help someone who gambles | GambleAware [online]. [cited 2024-04-15]. Available from: https://www.gambleaware.org/how-help-someone-who-gambles
• How to help someone you know that has a gambling problem | Gateway Foundation [online]. [cited 2024-04-15]. Available from: https://www.gatewayfoundation.org/addiction-blog/how-to-help-someone-that-has-gambling-problem/